A tree in the yard

I spent the afternoon "supervising" (read: surviving) a playdate between my daughter and her two best friends. They spent the afternoon fighting, yelling, screaming, running, playing, giggling, laughing, and generally making mischief. In other words, having the time of their 10 year old lives!

As I tried to keep their merry-making tuned down in my rattled brain, I sought a way to direct my energy and found it in the study of a tree. It loomed over the building in the rear of the playground, stark and staring in it's bare branches. It's doubled trunk had to be over 30 feet around, and it stands an impressive 100 feet or more... it has to have been there for decades. I wondered how many people had sat in exactly this place and stared at that tree. How many parents had wondered at it's presence in their children's lives... how many children had grown up around that tree? It stands in the rear of the school, in the foreground of the playground. I think it's a tulip tree, although I'm not the best at ID'ing a tree without leaves or fruit in evidence.

I spent the two hours of screaming laughter quietly drawing that tree until I realized I'd be unable to capture it's magnificence on my meager sheet of 8 1/2 x 11 inch drawing paper. I'll have to go back again, and try again... probably next weekend.

Ages and Stages

In my work, I have been focused on a particular face, following her progression through the stages of her young life... I seem endlessly facinated by the subtle changes that have taken place, and endlessly frustrated by my inability to capture those moments accurately.

Here's the latest stage in my latest efforts. Still a very long way to go, but, that's ok, I've got time...

In my life, I have been focused on that same face, following along in her progression through this world, hopefully shaping her mind and soul in the proper paths, in goodness, in light... showing her the beauty and life in all the little things around her... hoping against hope that she shall manage to survive that treacherous stage that will only too soon be upon us: Teenager. It's a frightening thought, but, I'm actually looking forward to it... I must be losing my mind, I know, but, I'm so liking the person she is becoming, I'm eager to see the child become the woman... I'm eager for her to change from the tentatively learning into the confidently striding... She's smart enough and determinedly stubborn enough to be able to do anything she wants to. I can't wait to find out what exactly that is!

I can only hope that I will have instilled in her enough of a desire to follow her dreams, that she will. That I will have given her enough freedom of will that she doesn't find her goals impossible to reach, or that she feels she must put them aside in order for someone else's priorities to be realized. It's important to me that she learns to put herself first, because, in the end, no one else will. The disease to please is a cycle I want stopped in my generation, so that she can actually truly realize her greatest potential.

I've recently found an old friend on the 'web... someone I hadn't heard from in what he claims to be 23 years... (Not possible I say - after all, I'm only 29, right? So what if it's for the 15th time?!)

It's hard to imagine that it was that long ago that we were plotting and planning our futures... bright eyed and naive in our trust in the universe, that if we just worked hard enough, we'd get what we wanted. I guess though, in the end, we were right. He's about to give up a very lucrative position in order to finally follow that dream, and if there's any justice in the universe, he'll be just fine...! I know I'm rooting for him, and any self-respecting guardian angels out there ought to be doing the same.

Here's to ya kiddo...! You deserve it... now just go get it!

I spent the past two weekends wanting desperately to paint, but, unable to find even a minute to do so... I guess that's all part of the game isn't it? Juggling motherhood, job, household chores and the desire to paint means that somethin's gotta give... for me, it's a no brainer... The CHORES should wait!! Painting comes first!! :D

If only...!

The last painting I did focused pretty equally on a self portrait that I've been struggling with, and a 3/4 length portrait of my Kaitie. The SP is shaping up well, although I think I went at it ass-backwards, so I may have to start it over... no problem there, just need to plan it better next time, huh? Kaitie's portrait is coming along nicely... might just be the best thing I've done yet...! Then again, that seems to happen a LOT...progress is progress, now ain't it?

I need to get some better shots - I'll post them both in a day or so... Promise!

I've just spent the last few hours going through some old photos, reminiscing about how quickly the last ten years have passed... all the major milestones we've gone through as a family... Looking at the little imp who turned into a pixie who's now turned into a little 'tween... just an amazing journey!

Whilst I was going through Kaitie's pictures, I found several that I'd forgotten about... they were of my very first attempts at a return to my art... from July of 2004. Back then, I didn't know if I'd be able to do anything at all like what I wanted to do... I only knew that my 40th year was drawing to a close, and I felt a strong need to reflect on what my life had become. I knew that I'd done some of what I'd wanted to do, and that some of the things that I'd thought I wanted to do had become silly and superfluous... but there was that creative bug that I'd been ignoring for the past 20 years that needed to be let out... needed to be expressed. I needed to do something about it... but... how?? and more importantly... what??

What a difference these few years has made! From subjects that were barely recognizable as human, results that made me laugh out loud at the time of their creation, to images that I feel remotely proud of... from clumsy attempts at paint application, with drawing mistakes that I couldn't quite get a handle on, just knew something was wrong... to less clumsy attempts at paint application with drawing mistakes that are plain for me to see, although I still struggle to correct them! :D

It's a journey, I have to keep reminding myself of that!